Greg Bennett told me about his latest Yamaha outboard motor over coffee the other morning – a 425hp V8 5.6litre beast. “Stands taller than me with my hand stretched skywards” he said.
– big mama –
This reminded me of the time we went out to Hazelmere to test his then-biggest outboard motor: I think it was 225hp.
I was slalom skiing behind the beast when I felt a twinge in my hamstring and immediately let go, faithful to my exercise mantra of No Pain, No Pain.
Greg whipped the boat around and roared up to me. “What’s up, Swanie?”, bellowed his big boet Roland.
I think I pulled a muscle, I said.
Roley roared with laughter. “NO! Swanie, can’t be! You couldn’t have pulled a muscle. You must have pulled a fat!” Rude bastid.
I put my head down, leaned forward and reached for a flat blade-full of Umgeni water and pulled it back to behind my hip. This was not a characteristic action. I was not used to putting effort into my paddling, but this was serious: I had team-mates, and we were in a race. This was the Kingfisher Canoe Club 12-hour enduro. I think we were raising funds for the new clubhouse, and I was in a KCC team, maybe the F-Team or the Z-Team.
When I got back from my blistering lap under the big concrete Athlone bridge pier in the Umgeni river at Blue Lagoon, my team-mates assured me it was the slowest lap in the history of canoeing, a record unlikely ever to be broken and they had all grown a beard, shaved it off and grown another while waiting for me. Rude bastids.
Thanks guys. It was nothing.
Roly Bennett took over from me (yes, we were a crack squad) and fell out three times before he got out from under the shadow of the Athlone bridge.
He then stood on his long knobbly legs in the mud of the shallow water and filled the boat halfway with water, reckoning this gave him some stability. Being a yachtsman he knew all about lead in your keel. He got back in and paddled off with half a millimetre of freeboard, gunwales awash half the time;
When Roly – eventually – got back my team-mates assured me:
A. That my record had been shattered and I was now only the second-most useless member of our crack squad;
* alternative ending (I can’t remember which is true): *
B. That despite Roly being handicapped by a pathetic tap-tapping paddling action, an absence of calves and a half-sunken ship, my record still stood.
Vrystaat Confessions 